Umm

So basically I made what seems to be the biggest mistake of my life. Really ? Hmm.. But I feel as though if it was all erased and things returned to normalcy, whatever the hell htat is defined as anymore, I would be somewhat disappointed in myself- it would be seen as a lack of strength to handle the consequences of my own actions. Maybe this hurting is normal. Maybe something possessed me to do such a drastic and unexpected, as ironic and insane as it sounds, from both sides for a reason. I never had the strength to stand up for myself before and I finally did it without expecting it. Yes, it was handled very immaturely and rudely on my end but it did happen and there is nothing that i can take back now, not ever. I need to be proud of myself. And with one phone call, I can feel nothing but gratitude for every second of my stupid little life. I am stilll breathing, I am still alive. What more can I ask for honestly ? It won't be like that forever. Getting out of this town never felt so good. One more birthday here and I am gone. I am never coming back here, I can tell you that right now. I will never be back here. You, you gaveme hte best year of my life. Good and bad combined, the good times outweighed the bad but I'm sorry I could not do it anymore. I did not want to end it, not at all. I did not want to lose you,I still dont want to lose you and i still wish i never had to do that but i know deep down that it is something that i HAD to do, despite wshat i wanted throughout this entire struggle. i know that was the right thing to do to benefit both of us in the long run. i stil dont waznt this to be over but there is nothing that i can do about it. that power was in my hands and i abused it and then it was put ito your hands and you decided what you want to do. so now there is nothing to do but keep breathing.l just keep breathing. keep breathing. keep on breathing. make yourself happy, that's all i want. chase afer your dreams, always be strong. know that i do love you and that i will always be here for you to support you in whatever you aspire to do if you ever need extra suppport. i hope you have a beautiful life, i'm sorry i couldn't be a part of it anymore. i'm sorry i couldn't handle it. you deserve the best and someone who you do not fight with, someone not oerdramatic, someone who will be there for you like i never could be. someone to open up to you and make you happy, that's all i want for you. you're amazing and you deserve that. we deserve to be happy. goodbye

I want a boyfriend.

Who kisses my forehead.
Who opens the door, not only for me, but for other people as well.
Who says sweet things out of nowhere.
Who sends me texts just to say "good morning".
Who I can spend the day with him & his family and have a great time.
Who has goals & is academically stimulated.
Who can actually carry a conversation.
Who has a beautifully unique personality.
Who I can hang out with completely comfortably in sweat pants and no make up.
Who I can sit around doing nothing with and still have fun.
Who I can be a complete loser dork around.
Who opens doors for me.
Who can make me laugh every 5 seconds.
Who is there for me & makes me smile when I'm crying.
Who offers me his jacket when he just suspects that I'm cold.
Who puts up with me even when I am annoying.
Who I can eat a cheeseburger in front of without feeling disgusting.
Who doesn't completely change around his friends.
Who doesn't cheat on me.
Who would probably spend his time reading this.

OH WAIT ! I DO HAVE THIS. YAAAY.
I have probably read lists like this on "myspace bulletins" and "facebook fan pages" for years.


HAA !

ben

i'm wondering if you REALLY wrote that on your card in spanish today or if Cuevas just said it.

P.S. i really did have no me gusta ben written on mine

P.P.S. except i'm actually just kidding

the

1 thing i can always count on to make me feel better.

how in the world

i just wrote this excessively long paragraph about how ridiculously frustrated i am right now. but being so overly dramatic would probably lead me to my downfall.

i'm just so done with everything right now.
someone take me awayyyy for awhile.
i need a break. and not one of the usual breaks like hanging out for a few hours. no. i need to get out of here for awhile. there is no way i am staying anywhere around here. after senior year, i am GONE. and i will not miss this. lata suckas.

Once again.

I have been reassured of the fact that I have the perfect boyfriend.

Yeahh.

I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around,
But she takes it all for me.
And I lost my faith, in my darkest days,
But she makes me want to believe.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need.

She's all I need.


OH i wish. &wish i wasn't so annoying. =P

rainy rainy days.