Umm

So basically I made what seems to be the biggest mistake of my life. Really ? Hmm.. But I feel as though if it was all erased and things returned to normalcy, whatever the hell htat is defined as anymore, I would be somewhat disappointed in myself- it would be seen as a lack of strength to handle the consequences of my own actions. Maybe this hurting is normal. Maybe something possessed me to do such a drastic and unexpected, as ironic and insane as it sounds, from both sides for a reason. I never had the strength to stand up for myself before and I finally did it without expecting it. Yes, it was handled very immaturely and rudely on my end but it did happen and there is nothing that i can take back now, not ever. I need to be proud of myself. And with one phone call, I can feel nothing but gratitude for every second of my stupid little life. I am stilll breathing, I am still alive. What more can I ask for honestly ? It won't be like that forever. Getting out of this town never felt so good. One more birthday here and I am gone. I am never coming back here, I can tell you that right now. I will never be back here. You, you gaveme hte best year of my life. Good and bad combined, the good times outweighed the bad but I'm sorry I could not do it anymore. I did not want to end it, not at all. I did not want to lose you,I still dont want to lose you and i still wish i never had to do that but i know deep down that it is something that i HAD to do, despite wshat i wanted throughout this entire struggle. i know that was the right thing to do to benefit both of us in the long run. i stil dont waznt this to be over but there is nothing that i can do about it. that power was in my hands and i abused it and then it was put ito your hands and you decided what you want to do. so now there is nothing to do but keep breathing.l just keep breathing. keep breathing. keep on breathing. make yourself happy, that's all i want. chase afer your dreams, always be strong. know that i do love you and that i will always be here for you to support you in whatever you aspire to do if you ever need extra suppport. i hope you have a beautiful life, i'm sorry i couldn't be a part of it anymore. i'm sorry i couldn't handle it. you deserve the best and someone who you do not fight with, someone not oerdramatic, someone who will be there for you like i never could be. someone to open up to you and make you happy, that's all i want for you. you're amazing and you deserve that. we deserve to be happy. goodbye