never

realized how mean someone could be to the one that they love. why can't i just be normal. for once. please. i'm seriously begging here. i have no idea what the hell is my problem but i just need to duct tape my mouth shut. all the time. i can't believe you could love someone like that (that being me). although you haven't said it yet.. so i at least hope you love me. but i can't doubt you again that's what started this whole stupid pointless mess that i still do not understand. nothing new, though. back to square one. dun dun dunn. duunno what to do now. dunnnoo what just happened. dunnooo what what what what whom what when where why HOW you oddball you just ruin the whole alliteration dontcha. jerk. i must seriously be going insane. i should really stay out of peoples lives. no wonder i dont have many friends. i ruin everything. hahaha. fantastic ! i haven't eaten barely anything all day ! and i'm not hungry ! life. "i wish it to be sound and sweet, not to need diet and bleeding" oh free speech essay, how you know me. i am actually enjoying this 200 point weight on my shoulders. gets my mind off things. things that i somehow manage to screw up. things that ugh. things. stuff. junk. life. hahaha. woooowoo. i want po tay toeeess. soo badly. but i'm not hungry and i might just throw up. morning sickness by the way ! DEFINITELY threw up this morning. haven't told one person! it's a little gross yeah ? exactly! maybe i'm pregnant ! hahahaha. i'm kidding i'm not pregnant. i do not know what i want to do with my life myyy feet hurt and all i've been doing is sitting. oh wait i ate chips and salsa after school for a little bit ! wish i hadn't. stupid sodium. fat. gym membership here i come. make some good bucks offa mee. i don't know what i'm saying. would i rather feel nothing at all than feel sadness ? hahaha i have nooo idea ! what does that even mean. i dont even know and i said it! ha! school! schoolschoolskool2kool4school fool! OHGAWWDD hunnaayy. spanish quiz manana. sisi! no bueno. i dont speak spanish uhhhhh so much for nothing exciting going on in my life. if you could call depression (again) exciting. i DID think we were past this well, you never do anything and that is the furthest thing from sarcasm, i'm sorry, i DID think I was past this. like for serious. but woahwoah i didn't even do anything! or did i ? and yet i probably did, yes i did. because i always do someshangg, i wouldn't be me if i didn't ! or would i? rhetorical questions are soo lame what am i doing with my life i mentioned that before i have NO IDEAA what i wanna do with my life yo. i wanna chiiilll wit da homies and slack off and marry some rich guy who buys me stuff and makes me famous. or do i wanna go to school and college and make some huge medical discovery? it just took me forever to find the c key. i'm not smart enough for college if i can't find the first letter of it on the keyboard. hey if i'm rich i could just PAY someone and FUND the research for a medical discovery. yeah.. maybes babes. we'll see what the future GOTTAGOYO maybe be back in a bit i have nothing better to do or talk to or conversate with even though i conversate with like no one now. "who was the last person you had a deep conversation with ?" gee i dunno. people still do that ? whattt bye.

XODUMBASS

Hahaha

SHUT UP.

New Post.

I believe no human being has ever consumed as much candy as I have in a two day period. I'm about to get kicked off the computer so this won't be long. I don't think. I don't really have much to say. And I don't really know what possessed me to come on blog spot. But I'm here now. And typing. I'm not really going through any difficult times, which is usually the reason I resort to online venting. The only thing I can really tell that I'm feeling is that finally this year things are going right. I know where I'm going and I can not wait to get there. I wish my life would just speed up until tomorrow and I never had to sleep. The anticipation of each day kills me. I want to fast forward to the good parts of my day. But then I guess if there was a good moment in the midst of my normally boring moments I might miss it. Then would I remember everything that I fast forwarded to once I hit play ? Or would it not be the same, like I just watched a movie or something and never actually lived it even though I did. Would other people notice that I was fast forwarding ? Would I be able to control myself while my life is moving super fast ? Or would I just sit there like a vegetable until I hit play? But if I just sat there like a vegetable then I wouldn't be able to hit play. Would I just fast forward until I starve and die ? What would people do? Would anyone find my remote and push play for me ? Or could they not enter my alternate universe that rips the space time continuum? Is that how you spell that? Would I fast forward past my death too? Would God be mad at me for wasting my life ? But I didn't know it would waste my life. Or is skipping the boring parts in your life considered wasting it too ? Does that mean I'm taking my life for granted ? Or does that mean I'm just human and get bored sometimes. Or some weird combination of the two. Seems to explain my life, probably it. I feel like going to a pumpkin patch. And a petting zoo. Dressed up as a cow girl. Talking in a heavy Texan accent. I will someday. Maybe even when I'm old and can only get around in a wheel chair. I'll be the crazy old western lady in the flannel and wheelchair in the petting zoo stuffing my face in boxers now where did that come from ? Only one person in the entire world knows. Only one person in the six billion plus people in this entire earth knows what that means. Is that baffling to you or is that just me ? It's getting more and more difficult to type without typos my phone just vibrated. It's the one person out of the six billion that means more than the world to me. I don't know if anyone reading this could ever understand that. And if you can, then you are insanely lucky just like me. Because it's extremely difficult to find. So much for this being short. Now I have to go. Night.

XOJM