when i say i love you, i really actually do mean it<3.
"i need you to know this won't be broken. and all that we say will not be lost into the dawn. and you will be the last thing i saw coming, i'm still surprised. & you are lovely tonight, you dear will guide me into the morning light. you are lovely tonight, lay here beside me, i see the rest of my life with you. alone we find that when we are two we are eternal. the moons align, our separate lives here become one. all my life i've lived alone without you. all this time i couldn't find a way to belong."
wedding song ? yes. changing my mind by the time my wedding comes ? hopefully not.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
HAHAHA
So, is that what you call a getaway?
Well tell me what you got away with.
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish.
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
Have another drink and drive yourself home.
I hope there's ice on all the roads.
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt,
and again when your head goes through the windshield.
OHHHHFAVORITEBAND, YOUNEVERCEASETOPLEASEME(:
Well tell me what you got away with.
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish.
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
Have another drink and drive yourself home.
I hope there's ice on all the roads.
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt,
and again when your head goes through the windshield.
OHHHHFAVORITEBAND, YOUNEVERCEASETOPLEASEME(:
JM&JM
two friends who were never meant to be separated.
summer, please come quickly.
'but somewhat golden like the afternoons we used to spend before you got too cool [FORCALIFORNIA](:'
Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know,
like how to deal with despair, or someone breaking your heart.
For twelve years I've held it all together but a night like this is begging to pull me apart.
I played it quiet, left you deep in conversation.
I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen.
I remember I kept thinking that I know you never would,
and now I know I want to kill you like only a best friend could.
Brand New - New favorite band ? Yeah think so.
P.S. I LEFT MY PHONE AT SCHOOL AND I WANT TO FRIKIN TALK TO MY BOYFRIEND which is really really really scary considering as i was typing this he IMed me on facebook YAYAYAYAYAY.<333333
summer, please come quickly.
'but somewhat golden like the afternoons we used to spend before you got too cool [FORCALIFORNIA](:'
Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know,
like how to deal with despair, or someone breaking your heart.
For twelve years I've held it all together but a night like this is begging to pull me apart.
I played it quiet, left you deep in conversation.
I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen.
I remember I kept thinking that I know you never would,
and now I know I want to kill you like only a best friend could.
Brand New - New favorite band ? Yeah think so.
P.S. I LEFT MY PHONE AT SCHOOL AND I WANT TO FRIKIN TALK TO MY BOYFRIEND which is really really really scary considering as i was typing this he IMed me on facebook YAYAYAYAYAY.<333333
Monday, January 11, 2010
tonight.
set fire to the third bar + reading hp + cookies + depressed boyfriend + <3ing my depressed boyfriend + heart murmur + blood tests + CB2.0 + sleeping family + queen + getting yelled at in approximately 5 seconds = my life at 10:36 pm January 11th.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Closing.
My eyes. Listening to music. Dreaming of where I want to be. Dreaming of how I want things to be. Ohh nothing will ever compare to dreaming. Life will never compare to what I dream. If only it would. But it's alright. I'll close my eyes and go back home.
When the rain is blowing in your face
and the whole world is on your case
I can offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.
When the evening shadows
and the stars appear
and there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong.
I could make you happy make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the earth for you.
To make you feel my love.
Don't know why I feel like this. Don't know why Kayla freeking Poll always seems to text me with the same exact feelings ? Weird. ahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhh<3.
My stomach is a BEAST. FOOOOOD.
When the rain is blowing in your face
and the whole world is on your case
I can offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.
When the evening shadows
and the stars appear
and there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong.
I could make you happy make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the earth for you.
To make you feel my love.
Don't know why I feel like this. Don't know why Kayla freeking Poll always seems to text me with the same exact feelings ? Weird. ahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhh<3.
My stomach is a BEAST. FOOOOOD.
I
All that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing.
I want to believe in something more than you and me.
Honestly what the hell is going on right now ? I couldn't tell you. Someone give me some answers here. Why do I feel like this ? I don't know. And what do I even feel like ? Hahaha I have NO idea. Woooooo ? =P
My heart is heavy and my eyes sore
Cracking and breaking down to my core
I can't hold myself together anymore
In constant search for something more.
Choices, Choices
Life is full of choices. We don't always make good ones. It seems to her you gotta be crazy to open your windows, invite the demons in. She throws a rock at the feeble glass, laughs.
Have you ever once in your life reached out to touch infinity ?
I will admit through flowing tears that he has become more than a friend to me. He's a bright planet in the dark morning sky of my existence. Somehow seeing him, even with his varied flaws, buoys me with hope. I am better for knowing him. I wonder where he came from, what random joining of energy created such complexity
And as of right now I finally know why. Duh. And it's not something bad. No, it's something beautiful. And I am lucky to experience it, to have it. And I never want to let it go. That, you see, is my problem. And honestly, it's not much of a problem at all. More of a statement, and idea, abstract as it is. Abstract, and yet tangible to me everyday. And all I know is that I have what no one else does. I have something amazing in my life that not ONE other person on the face of the planet has. What I have may not always desire me like I desire it, but sometimes life just works that way. And all I can do is wait. "All I can do is keep breathing." And know that life - - - -- -- -- -- - ---is beautiful when it doesn't seem like it. Because I don't know how lucky I am. By the way, if you're wondering, yeah. It's you. Thank you.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing.
I want to believe in something more than you and me.
Honestly what the hell is going on right now ? I couldn't tell you. Someone give me some answers here. Why do I feel like this ? I don't know. And what do I even feel like ? Hahaha I have NO idea. Woooooo ? =P
My heart is heavy and my eyes sore
Cracking and breaking down to my core
I can't hold myself together anymore
In constant search for something more.
Choices, Choices
Life is full of choices. We don't always make good ones. It seems to her you gotta be crazy to open your windows, invite the demons in. She throws a rock at the feeble glass, laughs.
Have you ever once in your life reached out to touch infinity ?
I will admit through flowing tears that he has become more than a friend to me. He's a bright planet in the dark morning sky of my existence. Somehow seeing him, even with his varied flaws, buoys me with hope. I am better for knowing him. I wonder where he came from, what random joining of energy created such complexity
And as of right now I finally know why. Duh. And it's not something bad. No, it's something beautiful. And I am lucky to experience it, to have it. And I never want to let it go. That, you see, is my problem. And honestly, it's not much of a problem at all. More of a statement, and idea, abstract as it is. Abstract, and yet tangible to me everyday. And all I know is that I have what no one else does. I have something amazing in my life that not ONE other person on the face of the planet has. What I have may not always desire me like I desire it, but sometimes life just works that way. And all I can do is wait. "All I can do is keep breathing." And know that life - - - -- -- -- -- - ---is beautiful when it doesn't seem like it. Because I don't know how lucky I am. By the way, if you're wondering, yeah. It's you. Thank you.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
never
realized how mean someone could be to the one that they love. why can't i just be normal. for once. please. i'm seriously begging here. i have no idea what the hell is my problem but i just need to duct tape my mouth shut. all the time. i can't believe you could love someone like that (that being me). although you haven't said it yet.. so i at least hope you love me. but i can't doubt you again that's what started this whole stupid pointless mess that i still do not understand. nothing new, though. back to square one. dun dun dunn. duunno what to do now. dunnnoo what just happened. dunnooo what what what what whom what when where why HOW you oddball you just ruin the whole alliteration dontcha. jerk. i must seriously be going insane. i should really stay out of peoples lives. no wonder i dont have many friends. i ruin everything. hahaha. fantastic ! i haven't eaten barely anything all day ! and i'm not hungry ! life. "i wish it to be sound and sweet, not to need diet and bleeding" oh free speech essay, how you know me. i am actually enjoying this 200 point weight on my shoulders. gets my mind off things. things that i somehow manage to screw up. things that ugh. things. stuff. junk. life. hahaha. woooowoo. i want po tay toeeess. soo badly. but i'm not hungry and i might just throw up. morning sickness by the way ! DEFINITELY threw up this morning. haven't told one person! it's a little gross yeah ? exactly! maybe i'm pregnant ! hahahaha. i'm kidding i'm not pregnant. i do not know what i want to do with my life myyy feet hurt and all i've been doing is sitting. oh wait i ate chips and salsa after school for a little bit ! wish i hadn't. stupid sodium. fat. gym membership here i come. make some good bucks offa mee. i don't know what i'm saying. would i rather feel nothing at all than feel sadness ? hahaha i have nooo idea ! what does that even mean. i dont even know and i said it! ha! school! schoolschoolskool2kool4school fool! OHGAWWDD hunnaayy. spanish quiz manana. sisi! no bueno. i dont speak spanish uhhhhh so much for nothing exciting going on in my life. if you could call depression (again) exciting. i DID think we were past this well, you never do anything and that is the furthest thing from sarcasm, i'm sorry, i DID think I was past this. like for serious. but woahwoah i didn't even do anything! or did i ? and yet i probably did, yes i did. because i always do someshangg, i wouldn't be me if i didn't ! or would i? rhetorical questions are soo lame what am i doing with my life i mentioned that before i have NO IDEAA what i wanna do with my life yo. i wanna chiiilll wit da homies and slack off and marry some rich guy who buys me stuff and makes me famous. or do i wanna go to school and college and make some huge medical discovery? it just took me forever to find the c key. i'm not smart enough for college if i can't find the first letter of it on the keyboard. hey if i'm rich i could just PAY someone and FUND the research for a medical discovery. yeah.. maybes babes. we'll see what the future GOTTAGOYO maybe be back in a bit i have nothing better to do or talk to or conversate with even though i conversate with like no one now. "who was the last person you had a deep conversation with ?" gee i dunno. people still do that ? whattt bye.
XODUMBASS
XODUMBASS
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